and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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