We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
