my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
