my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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