I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
