Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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