Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
