so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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