Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
