why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
