Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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