dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
