No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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