I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize