Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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