We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
