I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
