My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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