I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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