so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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