Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
