Did you just see the Batmobile???
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize