oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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