Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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