I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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