I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
