his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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