I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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