My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize