Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We left an ass print on the piano.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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