I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
