Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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