she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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