In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
