yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
