Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
