Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
