I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
