When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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