we have pet lesbian snakes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
