see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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