My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
