I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please don't give away my fajitas
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