A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
