Whod you bang
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize