The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
