It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
