Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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