Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
