so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
