maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize