I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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