When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
