oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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