I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
