My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
