booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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