God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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