New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
