I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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