my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wear drunk well.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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