Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
